I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize