hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
