I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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