dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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