Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Drunk is not a location!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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