If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
