Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
