Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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