ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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