Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
