saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize