i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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