It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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