im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
