I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
