i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
