Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
