youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
