fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just pynch a tree in the face
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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