Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
