OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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