Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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