i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
