We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
