It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
