I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
thus making me awesome and them whores
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
