U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
