first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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