i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
