I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
