Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
