I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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