booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
