very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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