DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
