I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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