This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
