nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
