My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
