hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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