Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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