Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
