my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
