I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
