you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
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