She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
