I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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