it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
