i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
