I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
