I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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