we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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