i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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