ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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