She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
