He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
