We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
