Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
