i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize