We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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