my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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