My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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