he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
