just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
