so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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